


Storm Warning

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sensitivity, Spoilers, Star Wars - Freeform, The Force, The Force Ships It, otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:20:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23379742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: ***TCW Season 7 Spoilers!***I was trying to avoid writing anything that directly relates to the new season until it was out everywhere completely, but the latest episode gave me major feels, so if you haven't seen the two available with Ahsoka yet, this one shot contains some spoilers. You've been warned!Instead of letting the feeling pass, Anakin orders the ship to be captured and searched. In so doing, he's reunited with his former padawan and they're both forced to face their emotions regarding her departure from the Jedi order three months earlier. Those feelings lead them down a path neither were quite prepared for and now the future is far more uncertain than it already was. Can their trust and respect for each other save them from the coming storm, or will things continue to fall apart?Also trying the frequent POV shifting again, hopefully it's easy to follow.Not a long one, but I needed to get my own feels out. Enjoy!
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 38
Kudos: 176





	1. Chapter 1

“Oh no, no, no,” she said, her panic level rising as they were pulled towards the Jedi cruiser. Of all Jedi! It could be any of them! Why him, why _him_?

“Lighten up, Ahsoka,” Rafa said rolling her eyes. “They can’t hold us for long, it was a mistake and they can’t prove otherwise.”

She wanted to argue with her, but there was no point and no words. This wasn’t about them being in the wrong traffic lanes, this was about her. As soon as she felt him reaching out, she’d known how this would end. After the way she’d left him before, he wouldn’t let it happen again. And for some reason spending a few days in jail was far less frightening than having to explain to him why she’d cut him out of her life.

  
  


—-

“Did you capture the ship, admiral?” he asked, trying not to pace in agitation.

“Yes General,” Yularen replied. “They’ve been escorted to hanger eight.”

He nodded to the admiral and turned to leave the bridge, picking up his pace as soon as the doors closed behind him. If there was any chance Ahsoka was on that ship, he had to see her again. He had to understand. He had to know what she was running from, and why he was part of that.

—

_Gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta hide_... She raced out of the cockpit, frantically trying to find a hole she could disappear into. But she had to be smart about it too. It had to be a place the clones wouldn’t find when doing their sweep of the vessel. 

It wasn’t until the ship jolted as it was forced to land that she finally leapt up towards the ceiling and spread her arms and legs apart to hold her there. She tried to disappear into a corner and freeze praying nobody would look up. She was way too exposed for how badly she wanted to hide, but this stupid ship had nowhere else for her to go.

She swallowed as she heard the familiar footsteps of troops starting the search, she hoped the sisters would be too preoccupied with their predicament to say her name. She watched them led out a few minutes later, before the footsteps receded and the ship was left in silence. 

She still didn’t move though, just because the clones hadn’t noticed her didn’t mean she was safe. She briefly thought about finding another place to hide and then sucked in a breath.

—-

“Ship is clear, General,” Rex saluted him, and he glanced first at his captain and then at the two girls in binders, glaring up at him and filling the air with empty excuses as to why they were interfering with military traffic. But he wasn’t listening. He was staring past them at their ship. If Rex and the other troopers hadn’t found her, it didn’t mean she wasn’t there. It meant she was hiding from them and that hurt far more than it should have.

“Thank you, Captain,” he said distractedly. “Take them to the brig, I’ll question them in a bit.”

“Question us?” the younger one asked with a mixture of anger and confusion. “We didn’t mean to be in the military lanes! It was a mistake!”

He ignored her and waved his hand to signal Rex to take them away, and he stood by the ship until he could no longer hear them arguing with their guards or whining about the situation. Why would Ahsoka associate with annoyances like that anyways?

When everybody had moved away from the ship, returning to their duties, he strode up the ramp, opening his senses. He moved slowly through it, not looking with his eyes as much as the force. She was here, she had to be. He felt her close. What was she running from?

Had she just not wanted the 501st to see her? Or was she hiding from him too?

—-

She went completely still as soon as she heard his footsteps. They were light and graceful, but she knew they were his. _Oh no_. She squeezed her eyes shut for a second, trying to obscure herself in the force. But as soon as she heard him turn the corner, they popped open again anyways.

She tried to stem her racing heart, tried to level her breathing, tried desperately to stay calm and not give herself away. But the sight of him had instantly sent her stomach cartwheeling into oblivion. 

He was moving slowly; she could feel the force radiating from him in pulsing searching waves. He wasn’t really looking around with his eyes but eventually he’d scan her with his senses. And when he stopped right below her, she nearly fell apart. Her muscles were screaming at the awkward position she’d crammed herself into. Her arms and legs threatening to no longer hold her up. 

_Keep moving_ , she willed him. _Please don’t look up_. But her fingers gave out and she started falling.

—-

His instinct should have been to draw his weapon, but the only person he was looking for shouldn’t be attacking him. He moved his arms out and opened them in surprise when she landed in them. She looked embarrassed and scared and tried to wriggle out of them. He let her legs fall to the floor but pulled the upper half towards him.

She fought it for a second longer before dropping her shoulders in defeat and slumping into his hug. She felt shaky, her heart was racing, her eyes wide. He had no idea why she was so scared of him or in general. But it only made him hold her tighter and keep her close. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He looked down in time to see her roll her lips. “What are you doing with these girls? What are you running from?”

She froze for a second and then dropped her head, issuing a deep tired sigh. “Everything,” she choked.

—-

To his credit, he didn’t push her away or respond in anger like she expected. If anything, he held onto her tighter like he was afraid she’d run away again. And she probably would have if he hadn’t of been holding her. She wished she could make sense of her emotions, but it just felt like they were misfiring in all directions; rapid bursts of one feeling before a rapid burst of another one. The worst part is that none of them made sense and made perfect sense at the exact same time. And to ease her confusion she just wanted to grab one and hold onto it but they were moving by too fast.

“Ahsoka,” he breathed, and she blinked up at his face. “If you want to go, I’ll let you go. I just... I just want to know why... you left...”

Again, the misfiring emotions flipped by too fast to settle on one and she stumbled backwards, surprised by the sudden release. He must not have realized how unsteady she was because he looked immediately concerned and caught her with the force before she hit her back against the wall. 

“Hey!” he said, easing her to the ground before practically dropping to his hands and knees and crawling towards her. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she gasped. “I’m having trouble... breathing...”

He set his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. The familiar touch sent a shockwave through her and for the first time since she’d heard Yularen’s voice, it felt like her system was resetting and calming down. She tipped her head back against the wall and sighed, trying to slow her heart. It had been ages since she’d felt a panic like that, what was wrong with her? Why had seeing _him_ , of all people, sent her spiraling?

—-

“Ahsoka?” he whispered in concern. To say there was something wrong would be an understatement. He hadn’t seen her this scared since the beginning of the war. She’d been the calm one, the confident one, the brave one. She was the one that was always putting him at ease, not the other way around. 

He watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath, seeming to try and steady herself. He just wanted to hold her tight, to never let her go again, but he also didn’t want to hold her here against her will, make her stay if she didn’t want to. And even if it hurt like hell to watch her leave again, he’d do it for her. But he still didn’t understand _why_ and he wanted to. Even if she’d seemed defeated and scared when he’d hugged her, she hadn’t pushed him back or demanded he let her go; she’d leaned into it. So clearly there was still something there between them even if she seemed to be trying to avoid him now. 

She finally looked up at him, her eyes full of pain, heartbreak and sorrow. “I don’t know who I am anymore,” she whispered. “I don’t even know if I ever did.”

—-

The look on his face made her heart break in two; the mixture of sympathy and confusion. He fell off his knees but reached for her anyways. She hesitated but leaned forward enough for him to grab her. She was dragged practically effortlessly across the hallway until she was draped slightly uncomfortably across his lap. She pulled her legs in and rested her head against his chest as he enveloped her in his warmth. 

Yes she’d been avoiding him, yes she’d gone through a myriad of emotions at the realization that she was about to see him again and yes, she’d tried to convince herself the past few months that he didn’t mean that much to her, that her feelings for him were nothing more than a student’s respect for their teacher. But now that she was in his arms again, she knew the one truth about herself no amount of distance would change; she loved him.

And maybe she didn’t fully understand love. Maybe she didn’t know what it meant to love someone. All she knew was that next to him she felt whole, safe, home. And considering how rough things had been since leaving the order, the contrast was exaggerated this time, to the extreme. And if that wasn’t what love was really about, she never wanted to be corrected. Because this was stronger than anything she’d ever felt, and she was tired of trying to pretend it wasn’t there. 

She felt him move and the way his skin brushed against her montrals. And then to her surprise, she felt the softest pressure of his lips on her forehead. She was surprised how something so small and brief could send a ripple of warmth spreading through her making everything feel tingly. She buzzed in that electricity for a second before she could really register what had just happened. 

She looked up at his face and he smiled at her, while somewhat sad it showed a peace and honesty that his face rarely expressed so clearly. She saw what she was feeling reflected in his eyes and knew he’d missed her just as much as she’d missed him. Maybe even more so, if that were possible. When had she become so important to him?

—-

Her movement took him by surprise. The way her fingers felt on his cheeks, running then through his hair. Her wet full lips were suddenly pressed against his. For a second he just stared at her, unsure exactly how to respond but it felt so good he relaxed into the sensation, opening to let her in. 

She shifted so she was slightly higher, and he tipped his head back in expectation as she continued massaging herself back into his life. It clicked back into place as though everything he’d been missing from his soul had been returned tenfold. In the force she felt electric, alive. There was still some chaos in her energy but the one thing he knew without a doubt was that this kiss had come from something so deep inside her likely she hadn’t seen it coming. It was the one thing in all her confusion she’d been able to express as absolute truth.

He marveled at the way she felt there against him, his fingers running down her arms, admiring the softness of her skin. She released from his lips and moved to his jaw and then his neck, as though she couldn’t get enough of him and he leaned back in contentment. 

It had never really registered to him before that he felt this way about Ahsoka, but somehow it made perfect sense. He’d missed her like crazy, why would his former student elicit such a deep longing in him if that was the extent of his feelings? Her lips sent excitement through him that he couldn’t remember feeling before. In fact, it was like he’d never really been alive before. He couldn’t make sense of how suddenly with Ahsoka, the world was a burst of color, intensity and passion. 

He slid his hands down her side as she continued exploring his face and neck, admiring the womanly curves of her body. She’d grown up a lot since leaving, even though it had only been a couple months. He shouldn’t be thinking about what was under her jumpsuit, but he kind of was and it heated his cheeks.

—-

She heard it too late, engrossed in the feeling of him beneath her. It wasn’t until the jarring voice was practically on top of them that she spun around in time to see the sisters standing at the end of the hallway frozen mid-sentence. It seemed to take Anakin a minute to register what was happening too.

“Well I was wondering why _you_ didn’t get arrested too.” Rafa rolled her eyes. “But since you seem to have an in with them, you couldn’t have you know, used your influence to let us be on our way?”

“Now I get why you know so much about the military,” Trace said. “Let me guess, this is Skywalker Academy, in the flesh?”

She felt a rush of embarrassment and glanced at Anakin who had tensed when the sister’s started talking, but now was looking at her with a somewhat bemused expression and an eyebrow raised as though to say he definitely was not going to let her live that down. 

“He was uh... part of it,” she squeaked. _The main part..._

“Well... I don’t have a lot of experience with academies, but is making out part of the curriculum? If so, you should continue it off my ship.” Rafa pointed towards the exit.

“ _My_ ship!” Trace corrected her, indignantly.

She felt another rush of fear. She didn’t want to stay here, on the Jedi cruiser. But after what the sisters had just walked in on, she was too embarrassed to argue with them and ask them to let her stay. Not to mention that after what she’d just shared with Anakin, she couldn’t face the sorrow running away would do to him, _again_...

She got to her feet, wanting to say something in her defense, but she couldn’t think of anything and just dropped her head and passed them by. At least they were the only ones that had seen it and they were about to leave. They couldn’t know enough about the Jedi to use that information against them. 

—-

“Sorry, sir,” Rex started as soon as he headed down the ramp of the ship. “The council gave us orders to release them because we-” He knew as soon as the captain froze that he’d just caught sight of Ahsoka. And while he was happy to be bringing her home, she was walking dejectedly behind him, and though not panicking like she’d been when he first found her, he knew she didn’t want to be here. 

Though after what they’d shared in the hallway, he knew it wasn’t as much about him specifically as the order itself. And with all the confusion he’d felt from her, he was starting to understand what she was so upset about and so scared of. He’d questioned the council thousands of times, but he’d continued following them believing that they had to know more than him even if he didn’t like their methods. But Ahsoka... she’d faced the worst of their decisions and now seemed to be questioning all of them.

“You were saying, captain?” he prompted, trying to draw the attention off her for the moment.

“Uh, sorry sir.” Rex straightened. “The council gave us an order to release them because they’ve stepped up the urgency of our current objective.” He stopped talking as the three of them watched the loading ramp close, the ship lift off and fly out the shield, disappearing. “They didn’t seem convinced we should be wasting our time and resources with rookie flyers.”

“They’re probably right,” he murmured. “But pulling them in was worth it.” He finally glanced back at Ahsoka. She’d been standing somewhat behind him as though she was trying to hide from view even though Rex had already seen her. She looked up at him and tried to give a smile though there wasn’t much joy in it. 

He turned and put his hand on her shoulder and Rex seemed to sense this was a moment just between them and backed a few paces away. “Go with us on this mission, and when we get back... you don’t have to stay. The council doesn’t even have to know you were here,” he whispered. She looked like she bit her lip and then nodded. “I know you don’t want to be here, but I’m glad you are.”

She swallowed and looked up at his face. “I’ve missed you... and the boys... but not the order,” she admitted.

“Is that why you called it Skywalker Academy?” He couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Uh,” she blushed again. “Well you were...” she trailed off, her face flushing. He just laughed and pulled her into another hug, forgetting that there were people around that could see them. Though he didn’t let her go even when he realized it. It meant too much to have her standing there again, even if it wasn’t her first choice of where she’d want to be. 

—-

She tried to relax about the predicament she was now in, hating that she didn’t really have a lot of choice about whether or not to go along now that Rafa and Trace had left. Though she did know if she asked him, he’d let her leave before the cruiser jumped to hyperspace, even if he didn’t want to. He’d let her leave before despite how confused and hurt he’d been about the whole thing. She just hoped if she stayed, she wouldn’t be a distraction, or _worse_...

Even if she was still somewhat confused about her own feelings right now, she wasn’t sorry to be next to him again. She didn’t want to know where she stood with the order or anything else, but she appreciated how quickly he’d put so many of her fears at ease. Though after their little makeout session on the _Silver Angel_ , she had quite a few new ones bubbling around in her head now. 

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected if she saw him again, but being hugged, held and kissed definitely hadn’t been it. For some reason she’d thought he’d yell at her. Or rage or get moody and sad. Instead, he was standing calmer and more confident and at ease as though all was right with the world again now that she was back, however temporarily. She’d known he’d depended on her, but maybe she’d really never considered just how much he did.

“Captain,” his voice cut into her thoughts, and she glanced past him to see Rex stand at attention. He looked worse for the wear but still as ready and loyal as ever. She was glad to see him too, even if she hadn’t greeted him properly. She supposed though, she’d have plenty of time for that later. That is, if he and the others still wanted anything to do with her after she’d abandoned them too. “Tell Admiral Yularen to get under way while I bring Commander Tano up to speed on our mission.”

“Yes, sir.” Rex saluted and turned to go. 

“Just like that?” she whispered.

“Like what?” Anakin asked in confusion.

She studied his face a moment, but it was clear he had no idea what she was referring to. She’d been gone for three months and he’d just reinstated her as the Commander as though it was not even a little bit odd. Especially since nobody but the three of them knew yet that she was going along on this mission. 

“Like I never left,” she murmured, dropping her gaze. The pain hit her harder than she expected. As much as she loved him, this was why she’d cut him out too. As far as he was concerned, the lapse in leadership or normal duties had been temporary. He’d reinstated her as though she’d never been gone, or that nothing had happened. And maybe she should have appreciated how willingly he gave it all back to her, but instead... it just felt like he was ignoring everything that had broken her to begin with. That now that she was here again, those three months never happened, and life went on as usual. If only it was that simple for her to forget it. 

—-

“I don’t understand,” he prompted when she didn’t say anything more. He’d felt the pain crash through her, emotions strong and intense that hardly matched the weakness in her voice. “If you’re coming along, then it means my Commander is back. You are still coming, right?”

“But I’ve been gone for three months!” She put her hands on her hips.

“So?” He raised a brow at her. He really didn’t get it. Why was she so upset?

“I don’t deserve that rank! I’m not even a Jedi anymore,” she said in exasperation. “Rex is your commander, not me.” Her voice got softer. “He’s earned it, I haven’t.” She looked down at the floor, her hands dropping to her side. “I shouldn’t even be here.”

“Ahsoka.” He caught her shoulders. “I offered the position to him after you left. Not to replace you but because I was supposed to have a Commander not just a captain. Rex didn’t want it. He said that rank was reserved for only you. A placeholder, for when you came back.” She looked up at him, but he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes. “But even if you’re not planning to stay, there’s no reason you can’t have it one more time. You’ve earned their allegiance, and three months away didn’t change that. For them, or for me.” Her lip trembled. “Wherever you are, whatever happens, you’re still my Commander. And theirs. It’s not a Jedi rank, it’s a rank of respect.”

—-

The tears fell down her face without her control. The words he spoke... they hurt but felt good. To think they’d all missed her that much, to the point of even passing up an honorable promotion just to leave that space there for her... she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to feel. It meant so much but still hurt. And maybe it hurt because they all had expected her to come back. And since leaving... she hadn’t wanted to come back. Not once. Not even when she’d been questioning her stupidity about leaving, she still hadn’t wanted to come back.

And now they were all acting like her being here right now meant she _was_ back, that she was right back where she belonged, and life would resume as it was meant to. Had she really been that wrong to leave or did none of them really understand why she had? Both thoughts hurt, one worse than the other. 

But she tried to swallow the pain and nod to him. She had one more mission to figure it out. It would define her entire life, of that, she was somehow sure. Though of course, that thought hardly put her at ease. If anything, it sent her nerves right through the roof. At the end of the day, despite her endless pool of confusion drowning her once firm confidence, she knew she was no longer meant to be a Jedi. She’d carve her own path through life and the force even if it was an uphill battle the whole way. 

Reinstated or not, it was a truth she couldn’t deny. One as firm to her as what Anakin meant to her soul. She loved him and she wasn’t meant to be a Jedi. And maybe those two truths were somehow intertwined or overlapping. Maybe she loved him because she wasn’t meant to be a Jedi. Or maybe she wasn’t meant to be a Jedi _because_ she loved him. And maybe she loved him for the same reason; he wasn’t meant to be one either.

She met his eyes and saw the intensity with which he’d been studying her. His blue eyes held oceans of pain and storms. The violence and turbulence such a contrast to the lightness of the color. She didn’t know how he stayed above the waves or ahead of the hurricanes. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe they were just in the eye of the storm right now...

“Anakin,” she said suddenly. “When we get back, promise me... you’ll leave too.”

—-

He stared at her for a moment in disbelief. Her request hit him like an explosion and he both couldn’t believe she’d even suggest it and couldn’t believe she was already so sure she wasn’t going to stay. But what had frozen his immediate response was the flash of something he’d seen race through her expression; not just fear, but a deep concern. Deeper than he’d ever seen anyone look at him or care about him. In fact, it had almost reminded him of his mother. Of the look she’d given him before sending him off with the two Jedi all those years ago.

He didn’t know what leaving the order meant, but he trusted Ahsoka, and if she was asking that of him, she had good reason. It was something she’d never put out there unless there was something far worse on the horizon than abandoning his duty. And he was suddenly sure that she’d wanted him to do the same when she’d left but known he wouldn’t. 

He couldn’t form a question or a response, instead he just took her face in his hands and kissed her hard. He didn’t know what he was hoping to achieve with it but maybe it had occurred to him that in all their deepest communications, it was through touch that the truths were always revealed. He asked if in the kiss; was this personal or more? Was she being selfish or selfless? Was her fear leading her astray or did she know something he couldn’t see? He pressed it all into her, begging for answers, needing to understand and she obliged.

It was personal but it was more. She was being selfish _and_ selfless. Her fear was motivating her but not her fear for herself or her predicament or of the order... it was her fear for him, for _his_ safety and for _his_ wellbeing. The truth trickled through him spreading like the warmth and a sudden sense of peace he felt in her oath she’d be right beside him through it. 

“I promise,” he breathed against her lips. “But I was wrong, you’re not my Commander. You’re my general. And I’ll follow you wherever you go.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning to continue this but this was the first thing I've been able to write for awhile. I started getting this image in my head and decided what the heck? Also I've been struggling a bit with my health lately so if I haven't updated for awhile I'm still here, just having trouble focusing or motivating myself. (And if you've posted a comment I haven't responded to, I WILL get back to you soon, I just haven't had the mental space to reply lately- but I still appreciate your comments!)

“Come in,” she murmured after hearing the knock on her door. She hadn’t said it very loud, but she knew he’d hear her. A Jedi thing, even if you don’t hear the words, you feel it. Strange how many “Jedi” things she still did even when trying not to be a Jedi. She leaned her head against the window frame and pulled her legs up as the door opened. She didn’t look at him as he came in, too lost in thought to shift her gaze from the stars streaking by.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I brought you something.” She was presented with a cup of steaming liquid and she took it gently, careful not to spill it down her front.

“Thank you.” She stared at it for a second, grateful she couldn’t see her reflection in it. He’d filled it with too many herbs, spices and fruit slices.

“I admit it’s not as good as the tea you used to make, but it’s passable.” She looked up at him wondering how many things he’d done while she was gone just to keep her close in some way. Was making her favorite kind of tea a ritual of his? Something to keep the memory alive? Had he truly missed her _that_ much? She watched him as he blew on his, took a sip, made a face and then sighed. “I must be missing an ingredient or something. It’s too bitter.”

Now she wasn’t sure if he was talking about the tea or himself. He set his cup back down on what she’d first thought was a tray but could now see was some kind of wooden box. Her heart ached for him, she could see the loneliness in every stiff movement and wondered how someone surrounded by everything he supposedly cared about and cared about him could be just as lonely as her who’d been nowhere near the people she’d once believed cared for her.

She set her hand on his knee without thinking, wondering what had suddenly made her so bold to touch him in such an intimate way. He looked up at her sadly. “I think you’re trying too hard,” she whispered. 

“Yeah you’re probably right.” He moved his cup to a more stable surface and then dropped his shoulders. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

“Neither do I.” She pulled her hand back and stared at the liquid again. Even though she suspected she wouldn’t like it, she still took a sip. No, it wasn’t the way she used to make it but it wasn’t as bad as he claimed. There was just one thing missing, though she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. 

“I’m sorry I messed up your plans earlier,” he said suddenly. “It’s just when I felt you again, it really hit me hard how much I’ve been missing you and I couldn’t resist the chance to see you again, even if... it wasn’t what _you_ wanted.”

“Anakin...” she started carefully, setting down her cup and rubbing her hands together nervously. She didn’t know how to explain what she needed to. How did she tell him she both wanted him and didn’t? How could she justify running away, avoiding him, cutting him out and still claim to love him so much it hurt? “When I left, I turned my back on everything. On everything I once was, on everything I’d once been sure of. I was scared, I was lost... maybe I still am. I felt like I failed you, I felt like I failed the council, my friends, my troops... I even felt like I failed myself. I’ve been running from that... _failure_... ever since. I couldn’t face it. I wasn’t brave enough...”

Tears welled in her eyes before she could stop them, and she squeezed them shut and curled back into the window. Trying to make herself small enough to hold herself together. 

“I was so sure you’d never forgive me for that, I’ve been running from you too. I dreaded seeing you again, I dreaded facing the consequences of my choice to leave. Because I knew even if you weren’t mad, I’d hurt you. I’d let you down. I knew even if you forgave me, I’d never feel like I deserved it. And worse than all of that, I couldn’t face your hope, that I’d come back to stay, that life would continue on as normal. I lost every modicum of certainty about every aspect of my life all the way to the core of who I was; but yet I somehow still knew... I was no longer a Jedi. I can’t be one anymore. I’m sorry, Master, but I just can’t come back.”

Echoing the words she’d spoken to him in the council chambers sent a shockwave through her and she dropped her face in her knees and let the sobs release. 

“Hey,” he said gently as she heard him put down the box and scoot closer. “I mean it when I say I’ve missed you by my side. I’ve missed running missions with you, I’ve missed our games, our talks and I’ve even missed training you. But Ahsoka, you are who you choose to be. It’s not something you can run from or hope you stumble on out there somewhere.” She could feel him reach out like he wanted to touch her, but he didn’t. “If being a Jedi isn’t what you want anymore, it doesn’t mean none of it can be who you still are.” He shifted and must have leaned back against the wall.

She lifted her head just enough to look at him. He was staring at the ceiling, his eyes unfocused. The pain rippled through the air between them. “What about you?” she asked finally when he didn’t continue.

“I don’t think I have a choice,” he murmured. “I think my path was chosen for me a long time ago.” He sounded defeated, like he knew as well as she did that it wasn’t what he wanted. But something kept him tethered to it anyways. Something pushed him in a direction he was screaming and fighting not to go. And maybe that was what had made her ask him to leave earlier. That observation that he was tied to a runaway bantha. In her request, she’d actually made the choice for him. She’d done what he couldn’t. And now as she saw the weight of everything he carried, she only wished she’d done it sooner. But she’d thought... he was where he _wanted_ to be. Or maybe that he wouldn’t come even if she asked...

“Anakin?” He turned his head and looked at her. His eyes deep and sullen. Like he hadn’t slept in a million years, haunted by things that had shaped him he couldn’t change. “Would you have left the order if you’d never been given a padawan?” 

He read her eyes for a few minutes and then tipped his head back again and closed them. “I wanted to...” he breathed. “But the reality is, probably not.” He crossed his arms and shivered almost imperceptibly. Was it this war that was destroying them? Or was it the Jedi code? Or was it something else entirely? “But...” he broke her thoughts again. “I taught you everything I could to survive, things the Jedi didn’t know or care about. I think I always knew one day you’d do what I could not. That you’d find freedom, that you’d find your own way. Be everything you _could_ be.”

“And you hoped when I did, I’d take you with me.” It was a question, but not really. She’d felt what he hadn’t said. It had been some deeply embedded subconscious desire that she’d be his ticket to freedom. And maybe that’s not how their relationship started. Maybe that wasn’t what he’d thought he was doing at the time. But it’s what it grew into, it’s what he never fully realized until she left without him. He could’ve left too, but she’d not asked him to, or given him any reason to believe she _wanted_ him to. And in that moment, she understood she hadn’t failed him as an apprentice, she’d failed as his friend. 

—-

She made a soft sound and crawled towards him. His head hurt at the admission, even if he hadn’t said the words, she’d hit it right on the head. And hearing them out loud had been like staggering away from an explosion. The worst part of that truth was though, he would’ve left with anybody if they’d asked him to. It really had nothing to do with Ahsoka. And maybe now that she was back, he understood that he’d prefer it being her. But the reality was, he just wanted someone, _anyone_ , to tell him he could. Or better yet, to say he _should_.

But ever since leaving Tatooine... he thought he finally was free only to be beaten down by yet another oppressive situation. Worse than the last, almost, because now he was alone with only his apparently, breakable, will. At least as a slave, he’d had his mother. He’d had someone to build him up, to stand behind him, to carry him, encourage him, guide him. But as a Jedi... he’d had guides but little support. Obi Wan tried hard, but almost always sided with the council. He was surrounded by people that judged and punished him for being different, for trying to be the man he’d thought his mother would have been proud of.

When she died though... so did all of that. His will to fight it cracked. His desire to be true to her teachings faded. He became the very thing he abhorred, a broken slave at the feet of overbearing masters. His tiny acts of impulsive rebelliousness were nothing. They didn’t mean anything. They were a sad attempt to lie to himself that he was still fighting it. 

He glanced down at Ahsoka as she curled into his arms, he pulled her close and held her. But while it was true, he’d never wanted a padawan, she’d become his saving grace. She tempered his anger and imbalance. She guided him not always straight back to the Jedi. She stood up for him like his opinion and ideas still mattered. She’d believed in him when everyone else didn’t. And in return, he’d wanted to give her everything. Maybe even everything that was left of his mother. As though somehow, he knew, she would live on where he could not. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I should have begged you to come with me. I just thought... I thought you were where you wanted to be.”

“I thought I was too,” he choked and held her tighter. If he went home to Padmé and told her he was no longer a Jedi, how would she react? Would she be angry? Would she tell him he made a mistake? Or would she be happy to have him home? He didn’t want to lose her, but after what he’d shared with Ahsoka, he almost dreaded her being happy upon his return. Actually, come to think about it, since finding Ahsoka aboard that ship earlier, he hadn’t thought about Padmé once. And part of him didn’t want to think about her at all. And it wasn’t because he just wanted to move on with Ahsoka and forget everything he had, it was more that he didn’t want to face the reality that when he returned, he’d have to make a choice he dreaded.

But just because Ahsoka asked him to leave, didn’t necessarily mean they had to go the same way. Though now that he held her in his arms, he knew she _was_ his direction whether he liked it or not. He just didn’t know the rest of any of it.

“I made the choice for you,” she said suddenly, looking up at him. “I made you promise you’d leave. Where you go from there, who you become... that’s up to you.”

—-

He released her as she slid off the bed and went over to the chair where her bag was sitting. She pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and a pen, she bent over and scribbled a bunch of jumbled words on the paper after trying to spread it out on the table. It was stupid and crude, but it felt important that she give him something physical, despite the fact he’d already promised. 

She turned back around and saw him watching her with mild curiosity. She made her way back to him and shoved the paper into his hands. He studied her a moment longer before looking down to see what she’d written. 

“This paper hereby grants the holder permission to excuse themselves from responsibility, to make their own decisions, and the freedom to go anywhere and be anyone they want to be,” he read. 

“It’s your ticket to freedom,” she whispered, shuffling her feet and feeling stupid. Anakin was a physical person, tactile. He needed to touch things, to feel things, to hold things. When the idea had first popped into her head, it had made perfect sense. She was giving him a tangible escape not a whimsical promise. And even if in reality, she had no true power to give him any of that, she was hoping the symbolism would be enough. That was _if_ he understood what she was doing. He looked at her for a minute longer before dropping his gaze to the paper as if to read it again. “You are your own master now,” she breathed. 

He was on his feet before she could fully process his movement, forgetting just how quick and graceful he could be. He swept her into his arms and held her against him. She wasn’t even sure if her feet were still on the ground. She wriggled her arms out of his embrace so she could wrap them around his neck and hug him properly. He didn’t cry, at least not outwardly, but she felt the rope being cut. The settling of the dust. The fading grunts as the bantha disappeared from range, no longer dragging him along for the ride. 

In that moment she finally understood what slavery really cost someone. Anakin might never have talked much about his past. He might never have said much about the experience of being a slave, but she felt it now. She felt it all. How damaging it truly was to every aspect of your life. How even after years of freedom you still lived in a certain way of thinking. She understood how even the people that loved him and cared about him, still managed to exploit that state of mind; whether intentionally or not. And she understood how the Jedi order had been almost more detrimental to his wellbeing than his actual time as a slave. Because as a Jedi, he wasn’t tethered to a collar, or some other form of physical restraint, he was tethered to an idea. 

An idea that his life was chosen for him. That he had no control over his own destiny. An idea that he would forever live to serve others; the Republic, the Jedi, his troops, his friends, his master, even the people he loved. He was punished for every even slightly selfish act, reminded constantly that other people’s needs always came first. You can’t have possessions, money, choices, anything even tangible to feel like you are your own person. And this idea, is beaten into you until all others have been pushed out. And that was why the Jedi were failing the people. Despite their devotion to serving them, they were serving only the idea of them, not the needs and wants of the individuals. 

So, believing in that servitude did nothing to quench the sacrifice, because you never get to see the good you do. And for Anakin, for a slave, he _needed_ to know this sacrifice was worth it, otherwise... it was a continuation of a life he’d once lived with only a change of masters. Day in and day out, he was pointed in a direction and told to go. To look but not touch. To save but not see. So, his misery turned inward, his thoughts and hopes lived on those closest to him. The only ones he was allowed to touch, to hold, to care about. And in so doing, that fear of losing that tiniest something you had, escalates until it consumes you. 

His years of suffering and trauma and abuse washed over her as if she was being hit repeatedly by a battering ram. “I don’t know what to say,” he choked, his fingers tightening on her shoulder. 

“I do,” she murmured, remembering their conversation after she’d been hunted by trandoshans. “I am who I am because of you.” She blinked up at him. “So, all of it lives in you too, or you wouldn’t have been able to share it with me.”

“Ahsoka, I...”

“Hey,” she whispered softly when he finally put her feet back on the ground. “You’re free now. Whatever you want, is yours to pursue. Wherever that takes us, together or apart, we’ll always have each other, okay? The only promise to me I want you to keep, is the one you made earlier. The rest is up to you.”

—-

He watched her eyes as she spoke, amazed by how willing she was to let him go. It hurt too though, because it felt like she didn’t want him even though he knew that wasn’t true. She did want him, he’d felt it in her touches, in her kisses, in her embrace. But she could be selfless, she could step aside, she could hide her feelings if his were leading him away from her. And they had, before. When she’s been there by his side, he’d only really thought of Padmé. No matter how much he’d cared about Ahsoka, Padmé had always come first in his brain; the path he always took. 

Now though, now that he’d tasted life without Ahsoka, now that he understood just how deep her love went for him, despite the fact she’d left without him... now he knew what a mistake he’d made.

He looked down at the piece of paper she’d given him. Ahsoka was the only one that understood him. This gesture wouldn’t have meant much of anything to anybody else, but this tiny crumpled piece of paper held a power he’d never had. The ability to walk away. 

He stumbled backwards and dropped onto the bed, running his fingers through his hair. Then he folded the note and tucked it into the pocket of his belt. The day they’d removed the bomb from his head, and he’d taken his padawan oaths had once felt like true freedom. Like what he’d longed for since he was old enough to understand his situation had finally come true. He was going to get to be one of those mythical Jedi, one of those famed warriors he’d heard countless stories about. He’d worked hard, he’d trained hard, he’d tried to be the best at everything just to prove he was worthy. But as the years had worn on, it felt less like freedom and more like a cage. 

The Jedi order hadn’t been anything like what he’d imagined, the responsibilities in some way worse than being a slave. Their school of thought, their code, none of it was freedom. None of it was what he’d expected or even hoped for. And while he’d still felt this pride of being one, of protecting people, it broke him down. It destroyed his will to live and love and fight for all that was good. 

He blinked up at Ahsoka who was watching him in concern. “You were the best thing that happened to me,” he choked. “I was so angry to be given such a bratty little padawan but... seeing your fire reminded me I’d once had my own. And maybe protecting yours, brought mine back to life.”

She made her way over to the bed and sat down next to him. But she didn’t speak, she just intertwined her fingers with his left hand. “You were the best thing that happened to me too,” she murmured, before leaning her head down on his shoulder. “Before I was assigned to you, I didn’t fit in anywhere. But I’d always looked up to you, because even though you weren’t like the rest of them, I admired the way you saw the world. I couldn’t get enough of it. Everyone likes to gossip about this or that, often speaking in disdain about your unconventional approaches, but I always thought, well it would make sense for you to be different, wouldn’t it? If you were really some chosen one, what good would it do for you to be just like everybody else?”

“Do you think I’m failing the prophecy by leaving?” he asked in concern, almost hating that she’d just reminded him of that.

“No,” she said without even a sliver of uncertainty. “I think if you really are the chosen one, I don’t think you can fulfill it as a Jedi.” 

He stared at the top of her head for a moment in surprise. “What makes you say that?” he stuttered finally.

She sat up again but didn’t let go of his hand. In fact, she started rubbing her thumb across it. “If the prophecy is to be believed, at least as I’ve heard it, you’re supposed to bring balance to the force. Obviously, that could be interpreted in many different ways; it could mean by numbers alone, which is a scary thought because the last thing we need are more Sith running around out there. Or it could mean being instrumental in ending the war and bringing the galaxy back to a place of peace. Both of those require something grand, something galaxy shaping, which one might expect is exactly what the Chosen One should be. But after so many years of war, after watching the Jedi order start falling more to politics and muddled and hurried action, after seeing the complexities and outcomes from more than one side, I don’t think the chosen one is supposed to be a savior _or_ a destroyer.” He held his breath wondering what profound thing she was about to say. “I think you’re supposed to be a teacher.” She blinked up at him. “And no, I don’t mean training younglings.”

He exhaled in a coughing sort of laughter as he fought for both air and control. Her humor completely shocked him in the middle of the intense anxiety riddled conversation and it took him a few minutes to recover and catch his breath. “Thank the maker for that,” he said finally, hitting his chest a couple times to clear his lungs.

She smiled, her eyes twinkling. But it faded just as fast as she continued speaking, “I think the reason you’re different, Anakin, the reason _you_ were chosen, was because the galaxy doesn’t need endless battles between the Jedi and the Sith. It needs a middle ground, a path that is balanced between the two. You know what it’s like to suffer, but you also know how to help people. This war has obscured what is truly good and what is truly evil, because every point of view could argue one way or the other. I grew up believing the Jedi were the epitome of good, only to find how many people look at them and see only evil. We look at Dooku and the Separatists and think they’re evil from the Republic point of view, and maybe they _are_ corrupted, but the belief behind them is that they’re trying to change what’s wrong with the way things are being run. People believe in that; they fight for a justice or ideal that the Republic doesn’t stand for anymore. I once thought Ventress was just another evil Sith, but she helped me when my own order wouldn’t. She too had been abandoned by the system she believed in. My point is, nothing is black and white and yet... it’s become that way.”

“Only the Sith deal in absolutes,” he murmured.

“But yet, the Jedi have fallen into that way of thinking, haven’t they? There are no more discussions about different ways to solve a problem. It’s just this or that. Even that statement is an absolute. Only the Sith... but not _only_ the Sith think like that. The Jedi do too. You’re the middle ground, Anakin. And I don’t mean you’re half Sith and half Jedi, I mean that because of how you were raised, because of the way _you_ see the world, maybe even because you weren’t a Jedi from the beginning... you don’t see things in absolutes. You see more than two sides. You’re different because you _need_ to be different. But they’ve tried to make you like them. So, I don’t think you can fulfill the prophecy as a Jedi because it’s about the force, it’s about balancing the _force_ , not Jedi, not Sith. It’s not about taking a side.”

“You mean I’m supposed to be a negotiator?” he smirked, so that he could diffuse the tension and heaviness of her words. They scared him but they made sense too. Like everything was clicking into place. Like everything he’d struggled with finally laid out end to end to form a path rather than a jumbled mess. He _was_ different. He was always at odds with the Jedi way of thinking. There was more he could do to end this conflict if only he could surpass their strict rules.

She laughed and laid back on the bed. “No, I think that’s Obi wan’s job. Maybe he was blessed with that ability to bridge the gap between you and the council.” He watched her breathe for a few minutes.

“Well that would be great if you know, he actually did that. Instead he just relays the council’s disapproval to me, as if I can’t see it myself.” 

“He cares about you more than you think,” she murmured. “He just struggles to show it based on how he was raised. That’s why I said you’re meant to be a teacher. You need to show the galaxy it’s possible to be both. To be good and still have feelings. To save and care.”

He studied the way she stared at the ceiling, admiring the way her long lashes would brush her cheeks. Normally a conversation like this would have made him uneasy, but Ahsoka... he knew he could trust her. He knew if she spoke like this, it wasn’t treason it was truth.

He reached over her and picked up the wooden box he’d brought in with the tea. She watched him curiously and finally sat up. He held it out to her so she could open it. She hesitated a minute and finally lifted the lid. 

“What do you say, Snips? Will you be the first student of Skywalker Academy?” She made a face at his teasing comment but then picked up her lightsabers from the box. 

“I already was the first one,” she said finally. “I was hoping I could be promoted to teacher by now.”

“We’ll see,” he laughed. “Show me what your qualifications are.” She lit her right saber and had it to his throat before he’d even closed the box. “Okay, you’re hired.” She smirked at him and pulled it back, looking it over, presumably admiring the new blue blades. “I kept them safe for you, but I might have tinkered on them a bit...”

“A bit?” she teased. “My lightsabers were green, Skyguy. Do these look green to you?”

“Okay, I might have tinkered on them a lot...” he trailed off when she made a face. “They’re like new, maybe a little better.”

She studied them a bit longer and he was starting to worry she wouldn’t like that he changed them. He’d just wanted some way to keep her close, something that felt like her he could hold onto. And he’d spent countless hours in the force with her crystals, tuning them, amplifying their power. He hadn’t really thought adjusting those frequencies would change their color though, but he secretly liked that they were now like his. That he and Ahsoka matched in more ways than one now. 

“I think blue suits you,” he said hopefully.

“I like them,” she whispered. “They feel like they better fit me.” She turned them off and looked at him. “So... Skywalker Academy, huh?”

“What can I say? I liked the name.”

She laughed and threw her arms around his neck. He kissed her. Again, it felt right, perfect, home. He didn’t know how to move forward with this plan, but he liked knowing she’d be next to him as he did. He felt the promise in her lips. In the way her body pressed against his. The thought of just the two of them potentially starting their own order was terrifying, but... if he was supposed to bring balance to the force, than it only made sense he had the person who balanced him right beside him. For knowing he was about to disappoint a lot of people, he suddenly felt surprisingly calm. 

That piece of paper might have been his ticket to freedom, but Ahsoka was the train. Without her, the ticket was useless. But he was suddenly looking forward to where they were going. It was like the whole galaxy opened up to them and he reveled in that as much as he reveled in her.


End file.
